Amethyst Angel Presents:

I've broken the list into sections--100 suggestions to a page, in the hopes it will load faster. Got any suggestions? Think of anything YOU might have learned from the series? E-mail your suggestions to me, and I'll get them up as soon as I can.

The above list and the title fanart was done by me- Amethyst Angel. SLAYERS is the property of---well--someone else. All characters and images belong to them, not me. This page is up purely for fun, so nobody ought to sue me..Anyway..It's not like you'd get much…(I've already spent all my money on anime...)

And now, without further ado, I now present the New and Slightly Improved:

"All I Ever Needed to Know in Life I Learned By Watching Slayers"


  1. Give a guy a break and you'll end up broken!
  2. "It's a secret!"
  3. Blondes may have more fun, but redheads definitely kick more *ss!
  4. Pacifists are among the most violent people you'll ever meet.
  5. The goofier a monster looks, the more powerful/dangerous it ultimately turns out to be.
  6. If you must make an offhand comment about a sorceress' appearance, do so ONLY under the following conditions: A. She's out of earshot. B. She's either asleep or unconscious. C. She's dead. D. It's her "time of the month" (Special note: In the case of Circumstance D, before uttering offhand comment at sorceress, first make certain you are beyond arm's length and out of hammer range).
  7. "It's a secret!"
  8. Never give up. Never. Ever. Even if you only have a 1% chance of winning, you'll ALWAYS manage to pull a victory out of your *ss somehow.
  9. No matter how powerful, how well-read, or how determined a sorcerer you are, you will NEVER find the ONE SPELL which can cure the physical ailment, deformity, or shortcoming which you are the most sensitive about. (Sorry Rezo, Zel, Lina)
  10. It's always best to practice your stirring speeches, dramatic posturing, and heroic acrobatics and get them down PERFECTLY before attempting to perform them in front of an actual enemy.
  11. For some people, blindness isn't that serious a handicap. Neither is death.
  12. Powerful things usually come in small packages.
  13. "It's a secret!"
  14. A member of your family pops into your life and offers to make you into a stronger, more powerful person. Before accepting his offer, you should first have him write a precise list detailing all of the things he plans to do to your body and have said list looked over by a board-certified physician. Also, be sure to relate to your well-meaning relative, in no uncertain terms, that you DO NOT wish to become a chimera.
  15. Chimeras never laugh. (Okay, maybe once, at the beginning of a season when you first meet them...)
  16. If you're a restaurant owner and you notice a lovely, red-headed young sorceress with a small chest entering into the doors of your establishment with a tall, blonde, vacuous-looking swordsman in tow,--that's your cue to close the "All you can eat for a silver piece buffet".
  17. Never EVER try to beat Lina to the last morsel of food on the plate---unless you have excellent health coverage and your insurance is all paid up.
  18. Stealing from bandits really ISN'T stealing. And killing bandits really isn't murder, either.
  19. "It's a secret!"
  20. The Two Z(X)el's Rule: It's possible to be either a freak or a fruitcake----and STILL be a babe magnet.
  21. It is NEVER possible to enter into a contract with a monster and come out of the deal alive--especially if the thing you ask for is immortality.
  22. Your enemies always have a habit of showing up when you least expect them. That goes double for enemies you've already killed.
  23. DRAGON SLAVE is the deus ex machina of spells.
  24. Sweatdrops aren't only just useful in conveying emotions such as embarrassment or frustration. -When seized, they can also make effective weapons (in the event Hammerspace is empty).
  25. Not all princes are handsome.
  26. Not all demons are ugly.
  27. There are ALWAYS shortcuts.
  28. If you look hard enough, you will always find them.
  29. All shortcuts invariably turn out to be traps.
  30. "It's a secret!"
  31. Priests are nothing but trouble. That goes double for the ones with purple hair who carry staffs and who keep their eyes closed most of the time-(which is the only type of priest you're likely to meet, by the way).
  32. Never insult a chicken.
  33. FLARE CARROTS is not a very effective attack spell.
  34. Never underestimate the shrinemaiden, no matter how timid and useless she may seem, she just MAY hold the key to your enemy's downfall. (In the same place she keeps her stuffed animals)..
  35. Princesses can always be expected to receive the shabbiest of treatment and/or be expected to perform the most menial of tasks-(hauling everybody else's food and clothing around, etc.)
  36. Your Inner Voice is most likely superdeformed.
  37. Smiling, trickster priests always look WAY scarier with their eyes open than they do with them closed.
  38. "Trust No One!" (--oh wait, THAT'S from my "Everything I Ever Needed to Know in Life, I Learned From Watching the X-Files" List)
  39. Cloaks hide an inexhaustible amount of sub-dimensional storage space. ANY object of ANY size can fit into them--swords, hammers, bags of gold, etc.--and yet they STILL manage to billow out dramatically during tense or heroic interludes.
  40. If you feel uneasy about using a woman as a shield--try using her as a weapon instead.
  41. Stopping the plot cold to help an old geezer fufill his dreams ALWAYS turns out to be more trouble for you than it's worth….
  42. If you find, after throwing everything you have at an enemy, that you just can't beat them, there will always be someone who will step in and beat them for you. Unfortunately, this someone usually turns out to be an even WORSE enemy….
  43. All men, at some point, must dress up in drag. (This observation courtesy of the Queen of Swords) And last, but not least---
  44. Sore Wa Himitsu Desu ("It's a secret!!!!) 
  45.  Well, that's all I managed to come up with. From here on in, it's all reader contributions. If you can think of anything to add to this list, contact me at I'll post it as soon as I can…( Let me know if you want me to list your e-mail address when I credit your suggestion. ) Thanks for all the wonderful contributions that have come in so far…

    The list continues….

  46. If you ever say after attacking an enemy, "I got 'em!", chances are, you didn't get them. (submitted by Lina_Inverse)
  47. If you meet someone who looks like, -or who has the same last name-, as one of your travelling companions, they are obviously related. In fact, many of the people you bump into are likely to be related to people you (A) have travelled with, (B) are travelling with, or (C) will travel with in the future. (Dra-Mata no Miko)
  48. However, people who are related to each other may look absolutely NOTHING alike (especially if they're royalty). (Dra-Mata no Miko)
  49. (This is a more general anime thing, but Dra-Mata no Miko first noticed it in Slayers) No matter how big and strong and well-trained a guy you are, if some woman, ANY WOMAN, thinks you're acting like a pervert, one slap will be all it will take to knock you down to the ground.
  50. Nothing and No one is all they first seem to be…(Dra-Mata no Miko)..(A-Angel notes--Hey, this suggestion would work for my All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from the X-Files list, too…)
  51. Not all bad guys wear black. In fact, most don't. (Dra-Mata no Miko)
  52. Do not call sorceresses who can blow up dragons "Little Girl" unless you are looking for an early ticket to the afterlife. (Dra-Mata no Miko)
  53. Chances are, every enemy you kill will have a servant that will want to kill you for killing their master. (Vivsama)
  54. Never piss off Dragon Maidens. Chances are, they have a mace hidden under their skirts. (Vivsama)
  55. Mazoku Lords are not nice. It doesn't matter if they look like a 10 year old or a giant lobster thing. (Vivsama)
  56. Never ask a guy with purple hair a hard question. Heck, don't ask at all! (Chimera of Chaos).
  57. Don't use a certain rock as an anchor, he may be really mad when he comes back up. (Chimera of Chaos).
  58. Never trust a guy with a southern accent and funny lookin' chef hat to catch you a dragon. It's pointless anyway (considering how long you have to wait to get your dragon meat, including dragon sushi). (Chimera of Chaos).
  59. Always take gymnastics before you go to show off in front of a villain. It never works. (Chimera of Chaos). (A-Angel notes- I know this one doesn't make any sense, but I writes 'em as I sees 'em….)
  60. No matter how evil you are, you can get away with anything- just as long as you remember to give the heroes something good (like demons blood talismans) beforehand….(Melissa Woodford, describing how Lina brushes off the fact that Xelloss uses her.)…. 
  61. If you can fool your friends, you can fool your enemies. (Xelloss' advice to Lina in the first episode he appears in--Kaichan).
  62. Young children are always more trouble than they're worth…avoid them at all costs. (Minerva, Anime No Miko).
  63. Just because a guy is big, mean, ugly, and has been trying to kill you since the beginning of the season, DOESN'T mean that he's the guy you should be worrying about…(Minerva, Anime No Miko).
  64. Never…EVER…ask what "Bum to the Breeze" means…(Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  65. Creepy sorcerers are often balding…I don't know how this helps you, but…(Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  66. Keep falling in love with one guy after another and eventually you'll find one willing to marry you! (Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  67. Fruitcakes make life interesting…albeit chaotic. (Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  68. Being possessed isn't really a BAD thing…(Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  69. Anime girls grow fangs when they're mad. (Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  70. If your boyfriend dies, don't, no matter how much you miss him, make a copy of him! (Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  71. There is no decent copy of the Claire Bible…just give up! (Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  72. People with green hair are generally quite obsessive. (Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  73. If you fall in love with a girl…make sure she IS a girl first. (Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  74. If you can't see someone's eyes, it means they are trouble! (Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  75. If you're trying to defeat a Dark Lord, throwing a spell named after them is really dumb. (Minerva, Anime No Miko)
  76. Never EVER try to sleep when a redhead is talking to you. (Rong F.)
  77. Eat when you can, steal when you want, and practice powerful attack spells on anyone who gets in your way. (Trickster Priestess)
  78. The worst possible person with the worst possible timing ALWAYS comes along at the worst possible time. (Trickster Priestess)
  79. The ones who look the friendliest are the most likely to single-handedly wipe out most of a species. (Trickster Priestess)
  80. If you hear a Dragon Slave Alert…MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! (Trickster Priestess)
  81. In the face of overwhelming power which is about to annihilate you, the best way to buy some time is to RUUUUUN!! (Trickster Priestess)
  82. Girls are deadly. Do not get in our way. (Trickster Priestess)
  83. Sometimes the best weapon is an ear-piercing laugh. (Trickster Priestess)
  84. If you want to look mysterious, good lighting, sound effects, and eerie music will do the trick. Clanging a staff is also a nice touch. (Trickster Priestess)
  85. If it's purple; expect secrets and sadism on the side. (Kelar Drake)
  86. If it's blond; no hard questions. (Kelar Drake)
  87. If it's green; hide your males! (Kelar Drake)
  88. If it's black-haired with a floppy hat; claim to know nothing of swordsmanship. If that doesn't work, point to a random direction and say, "Hey, did Gourry Gabriev go that way?" (Kelar Drake)
  89. If it's black-haired with big blue eyes and a royal title; break out the anti-justice earplugs. And hope they last. (Kelar Drake)
  90. If it's blue and stony; resist temptation to do "Rocky" jokes or ask something like, "Are you abrasive?" (Kelar Drake)
  91. If it's blond with a skirt and a tail; wear a hell of a helmet. Maces are heavy. (Kelar Drake)
  92. If it's red-haired and a bit underdeveloped; RUN! (Kelar Drake)
  93. God is blond. (Kelar Drake)
  94. Just because a fish can kiss doesn't mean he (it?) is good at it. (Kelar Drake)
  95. There may not be a cure, but there's always coffee. (Kelar Drake)
  96. If at first you don't succeed, try again. If you're still blind, resurrect a Dark god. (Kelar Drake)
  97. The cute ones are always crazy, cursed (transformed), or planning genocide. (Kelar Drake)
  98. There is always something wrong with the happy ones. (Kelar Drake)
  99. Getting between a meal and a redhead is a bad idea. (Kelar Drake)
  100. Beware of Kids; Just because they don't look old enough to drive doesn't mean they don't have the power to blast you to ashes. (Kelar Drake)

100. If at first you don't succeed, just Dragu Slave the problem. (Kelar Drake)

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