It's been four years, time for an update. Yeah, I liked Doyle, but now that the actor has died from a drug overdose, maybe I can see why they had to get rid of him. Shame, really.
I also used to think:
So we've got Weaselly again? What is it with TV characters named Wesley being unpleasant? Is that a conscious parallel with Star Trek, Joss, or just a happy coincidence? What on earth can you do to prove to me that Wesley is not a waste of skin? The only reason he's still alive is no vampire wants to touch their lips to him. Even Cordelia's too smart for him. And too nice. Wesley is not endearingly stupid or charmingly innocent. He's obnoxiously present.
But now, oh yes, I eat my words. Wesley got cool. I still object to the name, but now I can see why he had it. I admit I was wrong. It is possible for US TV writers/creators (well, Joss doesn't write every episode) to think long-term and not be J. Michael Straczynski.
The good thing about Buffy is that it is a comedy, and yet has no laugh track. YAY JOSS WHEDON! This is a very funny comedy. It does language gags, sight gags, puns, sarcasm, and even makes fun of every standard trick in the book. I'm counting Angel in this as well, now that it's its own show. For example, the time a guy and girl (Angel and Kate) are trapped in a room with a locked door and a tiny window high above. Angel says, "we're going out that window," and pulls a grappling hook gun thing from his boot. He shoots it at a beam conveniently near the window, and the hook catches first thing. Right on cue, the girl says, "Who are you?" He doesn't answer, turns to tug on the rope to test it...it pulls the beam down, she sighs, pulls her gun out of her boot, shoots the lock off the door and they leave. If there's a person not yelling "YES!" after that, it's only because they're on the floor laughing.
I also knew Anthony Stewart Head could sing before they showed "Once More, With Feeling." I used to hope they'd find a way to let him sing on the show. Thaaaaank you, Joss.
The obligatory Buffy site is of course here. It's not bad, as TV-show websites go. A few weirdies, but they're easily avoided.
The bulk of this page right now is quotes from the show. Do I watch this show for the clothes? Hardly-- there are hardly any. It's not Buttwatch, but come on, no high school was really going to let them wear that to school. Which brings me neatly to my point: the writing. The show has actually made fun of the clothes, and in the first episode somebody (possibly even Cordelia) is in a locker room and says the equivalent of "honestly, what kind of a name is Buffy, anyway!" and then as someone else walks over, "Oh, hi, Aphrodisia..."
Quotes from Buffy
He has the same reaction to spray cheese as he does to true love.
--Producer Joss Whedon describing the character of Oz to actor Seth Green
"Let's not jump to conclusions." "I didn't. I took a tiny step, and there
conclusions were." --Giles & Buffy
Cordelia, your mouth is open, words are coming out... this is never a
good thing. --Buffy
"Don't you have any ambitions?" "E flat diminished seventh. I've got the E
flat. But that diminished seventh... that's a man's chord. You could lose
a finger." --Willow and Oz
"The monkey is the only animal cookie who gets clothes. So I'm thinkin',
do the other animals get jealous? And the monkey's like, 'I mock you with
my monkey pants!'" "The monkey's French?" "Sure. Didn't you know that? All
monkeys are French." --Oz and Willow
"How did you know about that?" "I lurk." --Buffy and Angel
"Wh...what are you gonna do with him?" "I'm thinking...dinner and a movie.
I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt you know." --Bad guy and
Spike
Don't I have anyone running security here? ...Or did we finally find a
restaurant that delivers? --Spike
"So, does looking at guns really make girls wanna have sex? That's scary." "Yeah, I guess." "Well does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?" "I'm 17. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex." --Cordelia and Xander
"So do you guys steal weapons from the army a lot?" "Well, we don't have cable so we have to make our own fun." --Oz and Willow
No, this was no wimpy chain-rattler. This was "I'm dead as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore." --Xander
"What do we know?" "Dog spit is cleaner than human?" "Besides that." --Buffy and Xander
"He should be doing 60 years in prison breaking rocks and making special friends with Rosco the weight lifter." "Yikes. The quality of mercy is not Buffy." --Buffy and Xander
"What can I do?" "Well, you could go out to the parking lot and practice running like a man..." --Xander and Cordelia
"You delved into the black arts and conjured up a hell beast from the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance." "No. I snuck in yesterday and peed in the pool." --Willow and another student
"[Athletes win and get all the attention.] It's been like that forever." "Sure, the discus throwers got the best seats at all the crucifixions." --Buffy and Xander
"It's not like you were exposed more than once... Twice?" "Three times a fish guy." --Buffy and Xander
I think we better find the rest of the swim team and lock them up before they get in touch with their inner halibut. --Buffy
"When they were handing out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did you?" "No, I was in the line for shred of sanity. Which you obviously skipped." --Coach and Buffy
Fixation on insignificant detail is a definite crush sign. --Buffy
You think he's too old 'cause he'a a senior? Please! My boyfriend had a bicentennial! --Buffy
"Do you guys have a gig tonight?" "Oh, nope. Practice. See our band's sorta movin' towards this new sound where we suck, so... practice." --Willow and Oz
I'm livin' groupie free nowadays. I'm clean. --Oz
" We have a marching jazz band?" "Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... scary." --Buffy and Oz
I knew it! I knew it! Well, not in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know.--Willow
Must've been my multiple-personality guy talking. I call him Idiot Jed. Glutton for punishment. --Xander
"Discretion is the better part of valour." "You could have just said 'Shhhh!' Are all you Brits such drama queens?" --Giles and Xander
It looks like Caution Man but the sound he makes is funny. --Xander
"Should we burn them?" "I brought marshmallows... Occasionally, I'm callous and strange." --Buffy and Willow
"But gee Mr White, if Lois and Clark get all the good stories, I'll never be a good reporter!" "Excuse me?" "Jimmy Olson jokes are pretty much going to be lost on you, aren't they?" "Sorry." --Xander and Giles
"Is it hard to play the guitar?" "Not the way I play it." --Xander and Oz
Feel free to drop dead of a wasting disease in the next twenty seconds. --Xander
"How does she handle?" "Like a dream... about warm sticky things." --Girl and Xander
Summer is over! Be sombre. --Principle Snyder
"This'll probably go faster if we split up." "Ok...can I come with you?" --Buffy and Chanterelle
You don't hide-- you're bait. Go act baity.--Xander
"Will you be slaying?" "Only if they give me lip." --Joyce (her mom) and Buffy
You wanna try the long way around? I'm not gettin' any older. --Angel
"You can't imagine the price for true evil." "Yeah? I hope evil takes mastercard." --Angel and Faith
He marches to the beat of his own drummer. Actually I think he makes his own drums. --Buffy
A six-course banquet of nothing with a scoop of sod-all for a palette cleanser. --Giles
The girl makes Godot look punctual. --Buffy
"Does the Watchers' Council reimburse?" "Did you get a receipt?" --Xander and Giles
I'm not about to burst into glorious song. --Giles
"Like the boy who stuck his finger in the duck." "Dyke. It's like a dam." "Oh. Well, that story suddenly makes a lot more sense." --Buffy and Angel
"What boy could resist your wily Willow charms?" "At last count, all of them. Maybe more." --Buffy and Willow
"Hi." "That's what I was gonna say!" --Willow and Oz
You've really mastered the art of the single entendre. --Oz, but probably a quote
Hey, don't worry. They might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves. --Oz
"[It] might be erroneous." "Or it could be a crock." --Giles and Xander
On behalf of my gender: Hey. --Xander
I'm way off my game. My game's left the country. It's in Cuernevaca! --Buffy
My calling's a wrong number. --Buffy
The latest in fall fascism. --Buffy?
Gee, I hope I'm not interrupting anything really depressing. --Riley
I've seen honest faces before. They usually come attached to liars. --Willow
If you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. --Willow
"Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?" "No." "Can I make him one?" "No. On second thought, yes. Go make him a vampire. Take your time. Get Mel and the kids, too." --Harmony and Spike
"You can't get blood out of a stone." "He can get blood out of you." --Doyle and Angel
"Pop stars and popes-- they're the one-name guys." "You got me. I'm a pope." --Kate and Angel
Oh-- as usual-- dear. --Giles
"There's no witches in your witch group?" "Just a bunch of wanna-blessed-bes." --Buffy and Willow
"That would never happen." "Yup. That's why they call 'em cartoons and not documentaries." --Buffy and Willow
The pot calling the kettle stinky -- Cordelia
"I'm not unflappable." "Great. So flap." -- Angel and Cordelia
"I find myself needing to know the plural of 'apocalypse.'" --Riley
"You have 'but' face." --Buffy
It needs a woman's touch-- perhaps you could help. --Spike, to Giles
Irony's kind of ironic that way. --Willow
Diego! Pants ON! --Cordelia
Cell phones are definitely cooked up by a bored warlock. --Angel
Grovelling isn't just a way of life with you. It's an art. --Cordelia
It's who you are? The Watcher? Sniveling tweed-clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin? --Ethan Rayne
"You don't know how to kill this thing." "I thought I might try violence." "Solid call." --Xander and Buffy
Do you stuff your own shirts or do you send them out? --Buffy
"I'm living right, Angel." "Sure you are, Willy. And I'm taking up sunbathing." --Willy and Angel
"I know what you are." "I'm just an animal, right?" "You're not an animal. Animals I like." --Buffy and Angel
Rodney Munson. God's gift to the Bell Curve. What he lacks in smarts, he makes up for in lack of smarts. --Xander
"I'd love to go [to the Bronze], but if you guys had plans-- would I be imposing?" "Only in the literal sense." --Ford and Xander
"Xander, how do you feel about rifling through Giles's personal files, see if you can shed some light?" "I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?" --Buffy and Xander
"I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression." "I resent that! Or possibly, thank you." "Bit of both would suit." --Giles and Xander
"The She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and lures innocent virgins back to her nest." "Well, Xander's not a... I mean, he's probably..." "Going to die!" --Giles, Buffy, and Willow
"I can't believe you'd be fool enough to do something like this." "Oh, no. I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this." --Giles and Xander
"Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing." "Yeah. Some stuff is about groping." --Buffy and Xander
Once again, I'm banished to the demon section of the card catalog. --Willow
"I know-- we could go to the Bronze, sneak in our own tea bags, and ask for hot water." "Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail." --Willow and Xander
I don't get wild. Wild on me equals "spaz." --Willow
"Angel was in your bedroom?" "Ours is a forbidden love." --Xander and Willow
"Willow might be our only hope." "I don't want to be our only hope. I crumble under pressure. Let's have another hope." --Buffy and Willow
And almost sixty-five percent of that was actual compliment-- is that a personal best? --Xander to Cordelia
From the Watcher's Guide, I've found some good lines that are from the original teleplays but got edited out. I'll mention the episode they were intended to enliven.
"You're twisting my words." "No, I'm just using them for good." --Giles and Buffy, "Inca Mummy Girl"
I also have some quotes I found on Amazon. I don't agree that all of these are that good, but I'll put them up in the interests of completeness.
"I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho." "Meow!" "Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a 'meow' before."--Willow and Buffy
"Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron." --Buffy
"When did you become Martha Stewart?" "First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto." "I don't believe she slays, either." "Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to."
--Cordelia, Buffy, Xander, and Oz
"I've had my share of losers, but you--you boinked the undead." --Faith
"When I'm fighting, it's like the whole world goes away. I only know one thing: that I'm gonna win, and they're gonna lose. I like that feeling." "Well sure beats that 'dead' feeling you get when they win and you lose.
--Faith and Buffy
"You can't trust guys." "You can trust some guys. Really, I've read about them."
--Faith and Buffy
"I just wanna get my life back, you know? Do normal stuff." "Like date?" "Well..." "Aw, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut. [Buffy punches him on the arm] Ow." "All right... yes, date, and shop and hang out and go to school, and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do girlie stuff." --Buffy, Willow, and Xander
Mom, dead people are talking to you. Do the math!--Buffy
Oh, no...I have to go take an English make-up exam. They give you credit just for speaking it, right?--Buffy
"What are you guys talking about?" "Oddly enough, your boyfriend. Again." "He's not my boyfriend. Really and truly, he's... I don't know. Are we cool?" "Yeah. Just, seeing the two of you kissing, after everything that happened... I leaned toward the postal. But I trust you." "I don't. Just for the record." --Buffy, Oz, Xander, and Cordelia
"Maybe we shouldn't be too coupley around Buffy." "Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog?" "Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell, or what?"--Willow, Cordelia, and Xander
"I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace." "Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?"
--Anya and Willow
"Do you remember that demon that almost got out the night I died?" "Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked." --Buffy and Willow
Hey! Look at us. We came up with a plan, a good plan.--Buffy
"I can't believe you got into Oxford!" "It's pretty exciting." "That's some deep academia there." "That's where they make Gileses!" " I know! I can learn, and have scones."--Buffy, Willow, and Oz
Sometimes when I'm sitting in class... you know, I'm not thinking about class 'cause that
would never happen... I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops, it's like, freeze frame: Willow kissage.--Oz
I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!--Willow
I met an old man. I didn't like him, he got stuck in my teeth.
--Drusilla
This is a dumb world. On my world, there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies."--Bad Willow
"This world's no fun." "You noticed that, too?"
--Bad Willow and Willow
That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and skanky... and I think I'm kinda gay.--Willow
Ahhhh, my head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. Ah... God... I wish I was dead.
--Spike
"So, how did it go?" "On a scale from one to ten? It sucked."--Xander
"You're considered somewhat cool." "I am?" "Is it because you always tend to express yourself in short, non-commital sentences?" "Could be."--Oz
"Guess who our commencement speaker is?" "Sigfreid?" "No." "Roy?" "No." "One of the tigers?"--Xander and Willow
Men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and they enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all you've learned?
--Xander
"You can't turn your back on the Council." "They're in England. I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing."--Wesley and Buffy
I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it.--Buffy
"Men are evil. Will you go with me? Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts." "Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open."--Anya and Xander
"The mayor is gonna kill us all during graduation." "Oh. Are you gonna go to fifth period?" "I'm thinking I might skip it." "Yeah. Me too."--Xander and Cordelia
"If we wanna make ferns invisible or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here." "Our lives are different than other people's."--Willow and Oz
"I went to Angel's last night, and Faith was there. They looked sort of... intimate." "No way. I know what you're thinking, and no way." "You're right. Faith would never do that." "Faith would totally do that. Faith was built to do that. She's the do-that girl." "Comfort, remember? Comfort here." "I mean, please. Does Angel come up to Faith's standards for a guy? Let's see...is he breathing?" "Actually, no."--Buffy and Willow
I have two words that are going to make all your troubles go away. "Miniature." "Golf."--Mayor Wilkins
There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that factually that's true.--Mayor Wilkins
When I'm with a boy I like I can't say anything cool, or witty--or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.--Willow
Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy, but... you know what I mean.
--Buffy
Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.--Buffy
I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans.--Xander
I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been such a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured someone, they didn't even have chainsaws.--Angel
Dorkhead? You lash me with your words.--Xander
"'Dear Buffy...' Hmmm. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards." "Why don't you rip her lungs out? That might make an impression." "Lacks... poetry." "Doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?"--Angel and Spike
"Your face is a poem. I can read it." "It doesn't say 'spare me' by any chance?"--Drusilla and Spike
"I'm naming the stars." "You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also it's day." "No, I can see them. But I've named them all the same name, and there's terrible confusion."--Drusilla and Spike
Who do you have to kill for fun around here?--Spike
"I wish we could be regular kids." "I'll never be a kid." "Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing creature-of-the-night boyfriend."--Buffy and Angel
"I wasn't looking at your neck." "I told you to eat before we left."--Angel and Xander
It's time for me to act like a man... and hide.--Xander
We're right behind you, only further back.--Xander
"Yep, vampires are real. A lot of 'em live in Sunnydale. Willow'll fill you in." "I know it's hard to accept at first." "Actually, it explains a lot."--Xander, Willow, and Oz
A black eye heals, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life.--Xander
It's like this dream I had about Xander... except that it wasn't about Xander, it was about someone else; and it wasn't even me, it was a friend of mine and... she doesn't remember it.--Willow
"There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense." "No, actually, that would be one of the five."--Snyder and Giles
Well, every school has 'em. See, you start a new school, you get your desks, some blackboards, and some mean kids.--Xander
So, are we going Bronzing tonight? Or of course, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night.--Xander
"Who are you?" "Let's just say I'm a friend." "Yeah, maybe I don't want a friend." "I didn't say I was yours."--Buffy and Angel
"Vampires are creeps." "Yes. That's why one slays them."--Buffy and Giles
"Slayer." "Slayee."--Vampire and Buffy
I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good.--Xander
I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.--Xander
To read makes our speaking English good.--Xander
"Xander, wanna stay and help me?" "Are you kidding?" "Yes, it was a joke I made up."--Willow and Xander
I can walk like a man but I'm not one.--Angel
"Have I ever let you down?" "Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?"--Buffy and Giles
I lost a friend tonight and I may lose more! The whole world may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Let me take this opportunity to not care.--Buffy
"I guess you should know since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time." "Yes, do bring that up as often as possible."--Cordelia and Giles
"I'll bring the weaponry." "I'll bring the party mix."--Giles and Buffy
It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.--Spike
Oooh gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever!--Xander
"Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with deadboy on this one." "Could you not call me that?"--Xander and Angel
It must have been wonderful. To put on some fantabulous gown and go to a ball like a princess. And have horses and servants and yet more gowns.--Buffy
I think I speak for everyone here when I say, "Huh?"--Buffy
We saved the world. I say we party.--Buffy
Add it up, it all spells duh.--Buffy
Are you crazy? You just don't sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk, you stomp, or... yodel.--Buffy
"Do you really love Xander?" "Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet."--Buffy and Cordelia
I am so mentally challenged!--Buffy
I didn't say that I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it.--Buffy
"I don't get it. Why would anybody want to make a girl?" "You mean when there's so many premade ones just laying around?"--Buffy and Xander
I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc and it's just another Tuesday night in Sunnydale.--Buffy
I may be dead, but I'm still pretty.--Buffy
I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse and it's neither creamy nor rinsy.--Buffy
I'm Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. And you are...?--Buffy
"I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day." "Yeah, Buffy died and everything." "Wow, harsh."--Buffy, Xander and Willow
Love makes you do the wacky.--Buffy
"Maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is Giles." "I've seen him. If I would have known they came that young and cute, I would have requested a transfer." "Raise your hand if eww."--Buffy and Faith
"Now, we can do this the hard way or... well, actually, there's just the hard way." "That's fine with me." "Are you sure? Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content."--Buffy and Darla
You need a personality, stat.--Buffy
Oh look, a bad guy.--Buffy
Okay, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit because that's how stupid I feel saying this.
--Buffy
People to see, demons to kill.
"See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out books and then they learn things." "I was beginning to suspect that was a myth."--Buffy and Giles
"Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood." "That actually kinda turns me on." "I fear you."--Buffy and Xander
When he wakes up, tell him... I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it.--Buffy
You know, I just woke up and I looked in the mirror and thought, "Hey, what's with all the sin." I need to change. I'm dirty, I'm bad with the sex, and the envy, and the loud music us kids listen to nowadays. Oh, I just suck at undercover.--Buffy
You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say undead American?--Buffy
And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless they really deserve it or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible.--Cordelia
Excuse me. Who gave you permission to exist?--Cordelia
Gee Xander, what are you gonna teach when you fail in life? Advanced loserbeing?--Cordelia
"I just thought we were gonna do something, you know... classy." "What's classier than bowling?" "Apart from everything ever?"--Cordelia
If we die in here, I'm gonna kick your ass, I mean it.--Cordelia
Willow, nice dress. Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.--Cordelia
Who died and made you Elvis?--Cordelia
"You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?" "As defending champion, you nervous?"--Cordelia and Buffy
"How do you feel about eternal life?" "We couldn't just start with coffee?"--Drusilla and Xander
"You are strange." "Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away."--Impada and Xander
"Alright. I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to the 12th century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show." "Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm."--Giles and Buffy
"I suspect your mother would want to put it on the refrigerator." "Yeah. She saw these scores and her head spun around and exploded." "I've been on the Hellmouth too long, that was metaphorical, yes?" "Yes."--Giles and Buffy
"They came after me, but I was more than a match for them." "Meaning?" "I hid."--Giles and Buffy
"Something's gonna eat those babies?" "I think that is so wrong."--Joyce and Snyder
"You belong in a good old fashioned college with keg parties and boys. Not here with Hellmouths and vampires." "Not really seeing the distinction."--Joyce and Buffy
"You were destined to die, it was written." "What can I say? I flunked the written."--The Master and Buffy
"What are you doing?" "Breaking into your office and going through your private files."--Nurse and Buffy
"It's Willow, she's nearby." "What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume." "She's afraid." "Oh my God, is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing." "I really agree."--Oz and Cordelia
Looks dead, smells dead, yet it's moving around. That's interesting.--Oz
"I can see why you would be upset. Oh, that was my sarcastic voice." "You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice." "I've been told that."--Oz and Xander
A lot of educators tell students, "Think of your principal as your pal." I say, "Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner."--Snyder
There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking.--Snyder
"I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?" "Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out." "A 'bitca'?"--Willow, Giles, and Xander
"You just don't like him cuz of that time he beat you up everyday for five years." "Yeah, I'm irrational that way."--Willow and Xander
And they say that young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid.--Xander
"Blackmail is such an ugly word." "I didn't say blackmail." "Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it up."--Xander and Buffy
Calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here, but I'm freaked out, and I intend to stay that way.--Xander
"Does anyone remember when Saturday night meant date night?" "You sure don't."--Xander and Cordelia
Generally speaking, when scary things get scared, not good.--Xander
Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person.--Xander
"How could you let her go?" "As the soon-to-be-purple area on my jaw will attest, I did not 'let' her go."--Xander and Giles
I don't get this. The candy is supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff... nevermind.--Xander
I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct, stake through the heart, no muss, no fuss.--Xander
I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there, we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party.--Xander
So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? 'Cause I don't anything much besides "Doritos" and "chihuahua."--Xander
"The band, yeah. They're great. They march." "Like an army. Except with music, instead of bullets, and usually no one dies."--Xander and Willow
This is just too much. I mean, yesterday's my life's like, uh oh, pop quiz. Today, it's rain of toads.
Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me.--Xander
Well, 'cause you never know if a girl's gonna say yes or if she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still-beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.--Xander
Well, not much goes on in a one-Starbuck's town like Sunnydale.--Xander
Well, yeah. I'd give anything to be able to turn invisible. I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but use my powers to protect the girl's locker room.--Xander
"When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia?" "I'm sorry, but never."--Xander and Buffy
"You've never seen a demon." "Uh, excuse me. Killing them professionally, four years running."--Anya and Buffy
"I can't believe this loser look. I lobbied so hard for the teal. No one ever listens to me. Lone fashionable wolf." "I like the maroon. It has more dignity." "Dignity? You? In relation to clothes? I'm awash in a sea of confusion."--Cordelia and Xander
"I told one lie, I had one drink." "Yes. And you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words 'Let that be a lesson' are a tad redundant at this juncture."--Buffy and Giles
"Slaying is a tad more perilous than dating." "Obviously you're not dating Cordelia."--Buffy and Xander
It is a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug a phone."--Xander
Ho-Hos are a vital part of my cognitive process.--Xander
"Might I have a word?" "Have a sentence even."--Giles and Buffy
I did a couple of slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag.
--Spike
If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours watching my hand move.--Spike
"Harmony! I haven't seen you since, since..." "Graduation. ...Big snake, huh?" "Yeah."--Willow and Harmony
"I don't get your crazy system!" "It's called the alphabet." "Would ya look at that."--Xander and Giles
"Am I right, Giles?" "I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening." --Xander and Giles
Forgive me, Shiny Special One. --One of Glory's minions
