Mail me. Go home.
This is a good week to get married, or divorced. People want to hear what you have to say, so get a job on the radio. You will find piles of money while walking down a street.
Do something different: go to work naked-- your coworkers are bored by your usual. You will meet the genius behind a new philosophy today. The president would like to hear from you about the budget crisis. Don't buy any eggplant.
The number of threads in your carpet will be of vast importance to you today. Don't pressure yourself in romance-- have you given another species a real chance? People think you've moved out of state. At two o'clock, you will find three pennies and a shoe horn.
You will be hit by two semis on the way to the store, but will miraculously survive. Send coded messages about dinner plans to friends through classified ads. Someone will streak through the mall shouting your name, but the police will find it's no one you know. Your mother will help carry your house to the vacant lot next door. Make sure your spaghetti is parallel while it cooks.
You will feel better if you work alone-- become a serial killer. When others are upset, explain to them exactly what they're doing wrong. Tonight an ant hill will accept you as the new messiah.
After flushing your wallet down the toilet, you'll find seven others while getting it back, convincing others that you should run for office. Your getaway car will stall after three blocks, making you reflect on why you became homecoming king. You will run into a mountain head first.
A work crew will mistake you for a jackhammer. Sex with a quarterback will be fulfilling. Your appearance in the laundry room will cause the planet to explode. Everyone thinks you're talking about sex.
Time to memorize your recipe file. People think you're entering your second senility. Straightening paper clips will make you a billionaire.
Visit Vanna White. Use an ax on the bathroom scale. Become anal-retentive. Reading your horoscope while driving a taxi will make you hit your mailbox.
Someone confesses a fetish for your supervisor. Exercise caution while defusing bombs during Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. Be whimsical and tyrannical. A mugger will turn out to be a stand-up comedian in disguise. Talk to yourself about your schizophrenia.
You think everyone's cute, and this shows you the path to nirvana. The support group for your friends will ask you to speak and bring snacks. Your brain wave patterns resemble month-old sour milk.
Have all of your clothes taken in three and a quarter inches. The woman behind you in line for gas is the KGB agent you've been avoiding. Be wishy-washy, and ask to have your hand held.
Dec. 3 birthdays: In the next few months you will kill a goat and find a pot of gold. About half a year from now, you will receive a rabbit's foot. Get married twice-- there's safety in numbers.