Mail me. Go home.
I've been working at a music store part-time for just over two years, and, as that implies, reading the want ads. In that time, the store has lost four employees and had to replace them. I never saw any ads for these positions. I know two of them were advertised, but I never saw the ads. The other two positions, I'm fairly sure, weren't advertised. And I think I know why.
I was looking at some of the duties of people at work. I know the titles of positions and what those titles imply those people must do, but this rarely has anything to do with the actual job. If we were being honest when advertising the openings, we'd end up with something you don't get to see in the want ads. For example, imagine these under the "Help Wanted- General" heading:
GUY to carry buckets. Part-time. Start at $5/hr. Buckets sometimes full, sometimes empty, 5-gallon. Must be able to fill buckets. Buckets supplied. Some ladder-carrying req., ability to tune a guitar a plus. Some coffee drinking req. OFFICE help. Main duties: open mail, alphabetize, worrying. Periods where answering belligerent phone calls req. Must be good with small children, enjoy saying "no" and "stop that." Ability to turn computer on and off useful. OFFICE position. Duties include answering phone, leaving customers on hold till they hang up, reading catalogs and junk mail. No exp. nec. Some coffee drinking nec. GUY wanted to stand behind counter and talk to people. Must have long hair. Some trips to hardware store nec., will train. Must be able to stay on phone minimum of 5 hrs/day. Coffee drinking req., mug provided. GUY wanted to wield power tools. Must supply own tools. Duties also incl: sticking things in bottomless plastic garbage cans full of chemicals. Rubber gloves provided. Free inhalations. Coffee drinking a plus. Mug provided. GUY wanted to carry coffee mug, drink coffee, wear apron. Apron and coffee provided.
I've never seen any ads like this. I always wondered where we found these people, and then it came to me. If someone has these skills, they are Known. People with openings like this find out that that Miller kid with the caffeine problem's back out now, and his uncle gave him a drill for Christmas. Three speeds, reverse, and cordless. And hey, if he's good with buckets, he is in.