Mail me. Go home.
Maybe some of you saw my old website, before I had any clue what I was doing. Er. Sorry about that. But anyway, this is the new one when I have a clue. I'm not saying it's big or all-encompassing, but it is still a clue. So while things may look different, some of this stuff will read the same. Just, well, in colour now. And with a few more bells and maybe a whistle or two. Lick of paint, half an hour, etc.
I shall also take this moment to do my customary ever-expanding rant about rights. I have had something that is on this page stolen. It was not stolen from my page-- oh good heavens, no, that would be too easy. It was stolen when I sent it in as a sample to show my writing. It was not meant for printing in the publication that printed it, and caused Some Trouble. But I digress. The rest of that rant appears somewhere a little closer to the problem. The current rant I'm ranting here is that all of this stuff is Copyright or © Joann L Dominik, or JLR Dominik, which conveniently also happens to be me. Unless I say otherwise. And I am reserving all rights to my stuff. The stuff that other people wrote is also copyrighted, according to what it says on the page. Again, they are reserving the rights. Yes, the web is a great place and full of a lot of good funny stuff. But did you know some people get paid for their writing? No, really, it's true. I couldn't make up anything as fantastic as that. I do freely contribute a lot of stuff to places where it goes out and I'm not paid but you still get to read it. I don't mind if you do. In fact, I encourage it. But that doesn't mean you're free to just steal the content, axe the author's name, and start it on the merry-go-round ride of the email circles. I don't like getting funny stuff in the mail without an author's name on it. It makes me uncomfortable. I wonder if someone's getting my stuff in the mail without my name on it.
Anyway, don't steal stuff. Even if it's just words. To some people, they're kind of important.
Now I promise to be funny. Or at least try.
The ZooTop Ten Commandments, updated now and then. If you'd like to send me some of your own commandments, I may use 'em sometime.Horoscopes: The New Original Bang up to date, for the 8th of May. Look, don't blame me for your calendar system. It's all arbitrary, you know.The Chocolate Review, with loving and sticky thanks to the Biscuit of the Week creator, Simes "Simes" Brown.
I have glanced through these and shuddered and touched up where necessary. If you've already read them, it's probably not enough to warrant a second look. If you haven't read them before, I hope they cause you less pain than previous viewers. If you can't remember, I hope they're right when they say it hurts less the second time.
A Pig's Breakfast"Work Workout," formerly "Fun at the Workplace" and with God's grace soon something else again. This one is also beautifully out of date, as I no longer am employed where I was when I wrote this (although not because this is really what I did there, I hasten to add). Press your hand to the monitor and feel my joy."What's In A Brain?" which is another one I'm hoping to find a good title for someday. And one that doesn't give it away right at the beginning, too, mind. If My Drinking Was Sustained. I'm a bit embarrassed about this one, actually. I still hate the title line, and since then I've found out that someone who parodied this himself not once but three times, and better, likes this version. Ye gods. There's no accounting for taste. And if I ever get permission to give you a side-by-side comparison, I will. And we can all have a nice little vote on it.And now we have the notorious one, the one that caused all the trouble,
and the one that with any luck you didn't see in the paper: Wanted: HELP! If you did see it, you shouldn't have; but that's not my fault. I wasn't consulted. Blame the stupid St Cloud Times, who printed it without my permission. Of course, that's just my opinion. They still haven't paid me. Not that I'm bitter. Not that they're incompetent. Try the fun game they supply free in every paper: Spot the Mistakes In The Headlines! For Children of All Ages! If it's a good day, you'll get a misspelling. If it's a normal day, well, you'll just get the usual bad grammar. And actually, sometimes it's not even for children of all ages. Oh dear, oh dear...Horoscopes: The Original For the 3rd of December, apparently. How timely. I also have these other horoscopes here, for comparison. Quite educational, as far as seeing how stupid people work.Harem Blurbs is actually mistitled, and I've only just now noticed. Voles. Actually, since the title came first on this one, it's miswritten. I shall have to remedy this someday and write a proper set of harem blurbs. Until then, this is still funny, especially if you're fond of S.J. Perelman.Pome This I can't explain. You could call it a song parody if you knew a melody to sing it to. Or a poem parody, of course. But mostly it's influenced by the wonderful Walt Kelly, he of Pogo fame. I don't think his were based on anything but his own strange brain, though. One of my idols.Christmas thing, that is as yet untitled. I have a title quote for it elsewhere, though. I know, I'm not much help.